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My Ass is blue!!!

Well it’s been awhile since I last posted anything. I thought the time had come for me to renew my acquaintance with the ethereal world of ‘blogs’. Although I have been absent, I have, nonetheless, continued to follow all those lucky ‘sods’ who are doing what I will eventually be doing and that is sailing the seven seas.

Right back to the purpose of this blog……………

You may remember that some months ago I had ‘Patricia Perkins’, my old trusty engine, removed for her bottom end to be re-shaped. This involved no botox, or silicon implants, just a bit of re-grinding and re-sizing of bearings.


Now Patricia is not one of those petite, sleek blonde like creatures. She is a 45hp beauty, weighing in at 4 and a half hundred weight. Therefore a bit of an ‘Amazon’. She reminds me, a little, of ‘Wonder Woman’. Now there was a fine example of buxom beauty. Any how, enough of that!! Once Patricia had been ‘done over’, she sat on her pallet, in the boatyard, and we fired her up. Oh, it was grand to see. She coughed and spluttered and then settled down to a dull roar. We had to tie her to the fence, because she began to make her way off across the yard, on her pallet!!

As you can see from the photo, she didn’t look her best and had no chance of winning any beauty contest!! I therefore had a moment of weakness and decided to give a ‘once over’.

Over the following weeks/months, because the weather here has been crap and not conducive to paint, I have given her a new set of clothing………………………

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Now Patricia can shout ‘MY ASS IS BLUE!!!!!’

Whilst all this was going on, I had another moment of weakness and decided to re-cover her bed. Well what lady wouldn’t like fresh sheets on her bed? This involved a trip down the West Country and a return to life 50 years ago. It’s a known fact that the West Country lags behind the rest of England!!!

Her bed, as you can see, was a bit of a mess.          However, a lot of scrubbing, degreasing and elbow grease20150227_114404   and…………            20150227_123530    the starboard side ended up

looking like this.

The next job? The windlass……………………..but that’s another story……………………………



A new start?

Well, I missed last month’s posting. It wasn’t the best end to a year.!! Through December, I lost my job, didn’t complete my Day Skipper Practical (RYA), and on the Saturday between Christmas and the New Year, someone decided to rearrange the back end of my car.!!…………………………

Hey ho, here we are, towards the end of January. I have a replacement charabang, I have an interview for a job, this week, and I’m making arrangements to complete my Day Skipper, on my own boat. Let’s hope this is the start of a better year to come (2015).

We all know that ‘They’ (whoever ‘they’ might be) can’t regulate boat users, in the same way ‘they’ regulate road users. We don’t pay ‘road tax’ on our boats, we don’t have ‘T-junctions’, Stop/Go signs and ‘Zebra’ crossings, mid channel, are proving problematical. We certainly don’t have to pass any ‘competency’ test before we are let loose on the water.!!

With the advent of our new annual flooding, here in the UK, I wonder if the rules might change, just a little bit.

Will we have to pass ‘port to port’ at traffic lights.? Flooded road What the hell will we do at ‘T-junctions.? Flooded give way

And when we go to the local store, where’s the pontoons.?

local store Will the ‘Col-Regs’ apply.? Will we have to ‘give whey’ to the bloody great tanker, as it eases its way, into the parking space we had our eye on.? And another thought…………..what about the poor bugger collecting the trolleys.? Do we tip him/her, or do we go into the ‘MOB’ routine.?

water horses And whose got right of way.? Me in my yacht, or them on their ‘quadro-ped water vehicles.?

As for the ‘motor boaters’ of the world, I bet they’d enjoy this……………………….

speed limit


There are some new inventions, on the market, in readiness for the new watery ‘era’………………………….

hover car The ‘Hover car’……..not a bad monthly price, is it, and………………………….

submarine car the ‘Submarine car’. Is this is what’s meant by ‘dipping your head lights’.?

Well, I have no doubt that our Government has a ‘master plan’ for all this. That is, if they’re not all to busy trying to get onto the latest series of ‘I’m a Celebrity……… Get me outta here’.!!!!!


Does my bum look big in this.?

Patricia Perkins, has had her ‘bum’ seen to.!!

You might remember that Tengeru’s engine was in need of some TLC. It had been lifted out of  the boat and, looking like a piece of scrap metal, was put to one side, in the boat yard. I was left with the decision, to either have a go at repair, or buy a new engine at ‘moocho dinero’.

Um….. it took about 30 seconds for me to decide for rebuild. Anyhow, I wanted a look at Patricia’s ‘little bits’.!!

So, me and a mate, went down to Cornwall, and gave Patricia a lift back to my home marina, Southsea, Portsmouth. Another friend allowed me the use of his garage as a work shop. It’s good to have friends, innit.

After having tied Patricia down to an engine stand (BDSM – you may have heard of it.? Stands for – Basic Destruction of Sentimental Machinery), we removed her drawers. (Steady on guys, I really mean her crank case). After having a fiddle around with her innards, we removed her bits and pieces. I’ve never done an hysterical rectomy before, it was good fun. And there we found the problem. The crank shaft and bearing shells were scored and marked, Some ‘eedjut’ had run the engine without any oil in it.! In fact the 3rd cylinder bearing shell had got so hot, it was now scorched and out of shape. It seems that this heating up had also caused the oil way in the shaft to become blocked and this may be the cause of the low oil pressure.

So, her bits went off for re-grinding. They came back nice and shiny and with no problems, at all, were put back in place. Now she just needs a new dress (re-paint) and she’ll be ready for the party………………


Here are some photos of Patricia, before her ‘operation’……………….


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Feeling reflective……………….

Some people will never understand, the draw the water brings,

the sights, the sounds, the beauty, as I listen and the wind sings.

The sun sets, and rises again, on another lovely day,

no matter the weather, as my little boat, alongside, she lays.


For four years now, she has been my only home,

and restlessly, I go on and prepare myself to roam.

Mending this, replacing that, as together we go to explore,

always enjoying what I find, and always wanting more.


A tiny place to live, but a whole world out side,

no highways to hell, just a huge ocean to ride.

These thoughts run through my mind, as bunk bound I lay,

what weather, what experiences, will happen to me today.?


My little ship closets me, safe, secure and warm,

as rain beats, and wind howls, they can do me no harm.

Tied up alongside, just waiting for the day,

when, at last, I loose my lines, and finally sail away.


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The Good, the Bad and the down right Ugly

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The hull, finished apart from anti-fouling

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The ‘fancy’ line





Well, this last weekend, saw me down in ‘Sunny’ Cornwall, again. Now, we live in a world of high technology. We can see stars and planets, millions of light years away. We can see inside our own bodies, using all sorts of weird ‘Star Wars’ gizmos. We can, even, bomb each other from hundreds of miles away. Can you get a phone signal, or internet connection from the boatyard in Saltash.? Not even Yoda, can do that.!!! I have heard a nasty rumour that they will very soon be getting that funny stuff, ‘Electrickery’ down there, soon. They are a bit dubious, because, if you can’t see it, or touch it, then ‘it don’t exist, my luvver’.

Anyhow, I got the hull finished, all apart from the anti-fouling. I wont be doing that for a while, yet. At some point, I’ll get ’round to doing the rubbing strake, but I’ll wait for a really horrible winter’s day for that, just to achieve maximum enjoyment out the job.!!

I’ve decided to start a new charitable organisation. It’ll be called ‘Support Tengeru’s Engine Fund’ – STEF for short. It seems that my old Perkins 4-107 engine has come to the end of it’s life. Well, that’s what the boatyard are telling me. Now, the engine is only 44 years old and as I understand it, it hasn’t even been run in yet. However, I was told ‘them there bits, is all worn out. Be lots of groats to fix it’. Now ‘Patricia Perkins’ has a low oil pressure problem. I’ve known women with the same problem, but they’re still going strong………………………………… So, all donations gratefully received, to breath life into Patricia, or find a younger model.

Oh, for those with an eye on the ridiculous………………England are playing San Marino, tonight, in the European thingy, (soccer, football, male fashion display, whatever you want to call it). We are a nation of 60 miilion people, we are going to be playing a Principality with, at last count, about 153 people in it. I’m off down the bookies to place a bet that San Marino win.!!!



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How do you get at the money.?

I was sat this morning and a thought occured to me. Now that doesn’t happen very often, so it’s got to be worth a post.

When you leave these fair shores, in your floating caravan, distant horizons to be sought, crew to be thrown over the side, if they forget the sugar in your coffee, how do you access all that dosh sat in your bank account.?

I’m not daft enough ( well almost), to think that the dolphins putting on their show, need paying, nor do the fish that leap into your boat, frantic to throw themselves onto your grill, as you follow that funny little line on your chart, but at some point in time you are going to bump into something solid, possibly land, and at that point some little foreign fella is going to pop his head up and demand some wonga.


The good old British pound is not what it once was, let’s face it. So, I’m guessing that something else needs to be handed over, a Euro, or a groat. Something like that.? How’s it done.? How is this transaction……… well transacted.? Do you cruising folks carry a wodge of notes, in several different currencies, and small denominations (that helps you look poor, I imagine).? Do you carry American Express – that’ll do nicely, senor -, or what happens.?


And, now this is the big AND, when you have run out of your small denomination notes, and your loose change has been lost in the bilges, how do get your hands on more, from your bank.?  I nearly suggested doing some work, but I wouldn’t want to upset anyone. I’m also aware that on Cygnus 3, there is a beer currency, which seems to have some effect.

I shall return to my musings and leave this for you good folk to furnish suitable replies……


Soton Aye and a bit of gout

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Soton Boat Show 2014

This last weekend I went to the Southampton Boat Show. I travelled by train. There’s no point in taking the car to Soton, because to park is a bit like trying to find a car space on the head of a pin, unless you pay the value of the car, in charges. Now don’t be fooled into thinking that I went there to buy a fancy new Beneteau, or even a kayak, I don’t have that sort of money.!! Nay, I went for some inspiration. I think, when you are doing up an old boat, it’s nice to have a look ’round to see what bit’s and pieces can be added to make life more comfortable. I was quoted, for instance, £250 for a nice fitted fore cabin mattress cover. Not bad, I thought, if my name was Paul Getty. I made one for myself, on Sunday, out of an old duvet cover. Cost £1.45.

Now I realise that getting on in years has it’s benefits. You can be cynical with the help of years of experience of the world we live in. You can, almost, get away with saying whatever you like and people give you a funny look and think ‘silly old sod’, but it’s the aches and pains that no one told me about that have surprised me. My mother did say, not so long ago, that getting old ‘is not for the weak’. She’ll be 90 soon, so I’m going to defer to her judgement on that.!! After walking around for hours, I got a sharp pain in my right toes. I gave myself an instant diagnosis of gout. I thought you got that through drinking to much pink gin, or red wine. Certainly, as a lad, when living in Africa, I knew an old fella who suffered from it, and drinking to much pink gin and red wine. Any way, I don’t drink, so Mark (Cygnus 3) your beer is safe, mate. I came up with solution to the problem. I’d buy a ride on the big Ferris Wheel, to give me poor aching feet a rest. Now, being a man, I wasn’t about to say that I don’t like fairground rides. So, I handed over my money and climbed into this saucer shaped thing that had a sort of umbrella attachment fixed to it. I had a look round and thought it could do with some paint, but I didn’t look too closely at the rust. The fella running the thing, pulled a lever, pushed a switch, wound up the lacky band, or whatever, and up we went. It swayed, I was petrified.!! We got to the top and the fella stopped the thing. Now, if I ever find out where he lives, I’m going to pay him a visit one dark night and…………………

I’ve decided that given the choice of going on another fairground, or suffering gout, I’ll take the gout…………….